#248. Timecop (1994)

 

 

When you watch the opening scene of this movie, in which a time traveler with futuristic weapons kills five Confederate soldiers and steals their gold, you can't help but feel as though the rest of the script kinda wastes its no-limits premise. Unfortunate as it is, if you're here to see some fights between major historical figures and cops from the future, you're gong to be extremely disappointed.

 

But that's when you need to remember that this is a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. Like, with all due respect, the ceiling was only ever going to be so high. And, once you adjust your expectations accordingly, I think there's a lot to enjoy here. The story, while not nearly as playfully batshit as it could've been, is still creative and well-structured, the presentation is appropriately lean and grimy, and the supporting cast brings a decent amount of flavour and charisma.

 

Plus, there's the aspect that's always the best part of these sci-fi/action movies, and that's all the futurism/time travel stuff. Even if it predictably results in a thousand plot holes, it gives us some charming sets and designs (I especially love how wrong they were about what cars would look like in 2004), and it ensures a fast pace, which, along with JCVD's patented kicks & splits routine, keeps the action fun and engaging.

 

Grade: B+

 

#240. Big Hero 6 (2014)

 

 

Despite my enduring affection for animated Disney movies, I haven't exactly done a stellar job of keeping up with the new releases. In the last twenty years, the only ones I'd seen were Wreck-It Ralph and Frozen, so I thought it was about time I got around to another one. And I settled on Big Hero 6, mainly because the big, fluffy robot always looked so adorable to me.

 

Now that I've watched it: yeah, he absolutely is adorable. I'd almost certainly die for Baymax if I had one in real life. But he's not the only draw here. The story's also really sweet and likeable (even if the message is a bit overstated in the early goings), and the visual aesthetics are extremely crisp and clean. I especially love how fluid everything is, as well as the colourful, futuristic setting that combines elements of Tokyo and San Francisco.

 

Granted, I'm still writing this in the midst of my superhero fatigue, so a few of the action sequences caused me to slightly disengage, but I enjoyed the animation, meta humour, and cute character dynamics enough to have an extremely fun time. Plus, this is the first movie on the blog that made me cry (damn you, Disney), so I can't pretend that the emotional aspects - no matter how manipulative - didn't work on me.

 

Grade: A-

 

P.S. If there's one major minus here, it's gotta be the villain. Dude might genuinely be in the running for least interesting Disney baddie, right up there with the governor from Pocahontas.

 

#238. The War of the Worlds (1953)

 

 

Prior Viewings: 1

 

Let's start with the positive: this is probably the most visually stunning sci-fi movie to come out of the '50s. The use of Technicolor brings a lot of beauty and legitimacy to the concept, and it causes these already impressive effects (the ships, the creatures, the death rays, and the explosions all look amazing) to pop that much more.

 

Unfortunately, as predictable as this may sound, the human stuff is where the movie continues to lose me. While the sheer volume of destruction is enough to provide some adequate stakes, and the tight nature of the script mostly keeps things from getting too draggy, the characters are simply vacuums of personality (which isn't exactly helped by the performances), and it quickly causes me to disengage with what should be a fun story.

 

Similarly, the resolution's a total letdown (I can still recall laughing out loud the first time I saw it), but it mostly gels with the hokiness at play, while also wrapping things up fairly tidily, so I won't complain about that one. Instead, I'll say that, despite the bulk of this thing being a bit silly and dated for my liking, I can at least respect how influential the technical and genre components have proven to be.

 

Grade: B-

 

#224. The Gentlemen (2019)

 

 

When it comes to the gangster stuff, Guy Ritchie tends to be pretty divisive. And I do get it. Like, if you aren't into the kinds of movies where everyone's a witty, gun-slinging badass, the shtick probably gets old extremely fast. But, as someone who will never tire of post-Tarantino bloodbaths, I have to admit that this speed, tone, and personality is right up my alley.

 

And, sure, you could argue that Ritchie's playing it safe here by revisiting familiar territory, but I find it hard to care when, one, the result is this entertaining, and two, there's enough dignified polish to separate it from the likes of Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. This change might erase some of the indie grittiness that he's known for, but it makes up for that with some faux-refinement, which juxtaposes the similar subject matter really well.

 

More than anything, though, I just love his sense of style: the cute structuring (I was beginning to worry that there was too much setup going on, but it arguably makes the payoff all the more satisfying), the fluid storytelling, the colourful dialogue, the playful accents, the distinct characters, the fast action, and the winning mix of tension and humour. I don't know what it all adds up to, but I know it's fun as hell.

 

Grade: A

 

P.S. Unless you count Glass Onion, this is actually my first Hugh Grant movie. And my god, what an introduction. Just hearing him say Raymond's name in that cheeky cockney voice delighted me to no end.

 

#222. Law Abiding Citizen (2009)

 

 

Okay, can someone please explain to me why so many action movies from around this time (The Dark Knight, Skyfall, The Avengers, Star Trek Into Darkness) included a reveal that the villain getting caught was actually part of the plan? I'm sorry, but that's far too specific a trend for it to have simply been a coincidence.

 

Anyway, Law Abiding Citizen isn't as good or memorable as most of those other examples, but the premise is strong enough that I was mostly engaged by the cat-and-mouse antics. There's a decent sense of stakes here, the conflict ramps up in a way that builds some adequate momentum, and the tone's so playful and energetic that it mostly manages to pull off both the depraved (you can tell we're also at the tail end of the torture porn era here) and over-the-top elements of the script.

 

It's just a shame that pretty much everything else has a slight "going through the motions" feel to it. As entertaining as this movie generally is, Jamie Foxx's uninspired performance, the dreary presentation, the script's reliance on outdated cliches, and the ending being a total copout (a "fuck the system" theme is only satisfying if you're willing to go all the way with it) keep my reaction from being more enthusiastic.

 

Grade: B

#219. The Vikings (1958)

 

 

The problem I tend to have with historical epics from the '50s and '60s is that they're usually devoid of personality, so The Vikings has an automatic leg up on the competition merely by being charismatic and boisterous and kind of pulpy. The presentation's still a little on the dry and earnest side for my liking, but there's enough exuberance and energy throughout that I was honestly surprised by how invested I was.

 

You can also really feel the communal effort with this one. The writing's got some morally compelling character dynamics, the cast (particularly Kirk Douglas and Ernest Borgnine) brings a lot of welcome flavour and intensity, the cinematography, courtesy of Jack Cardiff, is rich, beautiful, and atmospheric, and Richard Fleischer ties everything together with his textured direction. A lot of people are firing on all cylinders here.

 

So even if a handful of the slower scenes somewhat impair the pacing (the lead-up to that final battle is perhaps the worst example), and the relationship between Jamie Lee Curtis's parents is a total afterthought, the otherwise unique interplay, exciting bursts of action, and keen mix of opulence and depravity ensure that this is ultimately a higher-tier swashbuckler. 

 

Grade: A-

#218. Tarzan the Ape Man (1932)

 

 

Here's something I didn't expect to say: I think I prefer the opening half hour of this movie, before we actually meet Tarzan. Those early expedition scenes have a real sense of adventure and danger to them (in a way that really anticipates King Kong), and I feel like the energy starts to flag a bit once the title character shows up.

 

Not overly so, though. While the second act is often little more than a series of unrelated nature vignettes, it's all still gripping and exotic enough that I'm mostly fine with the change. Helps that there's a new animal in just about every scene (which goes a lot further with me than I'd like to admit), and that Tarzan and Jane have such compellingly primal chemistry with one another.

 

Of course, most of the other character/story elements are lacking at best (we never really delve into Tarzan's backstory, and the interpersonal conflicts are generally quite tepid), but I guess that stuff doesn't really matter. At least, not compared to the exotic scenery, the clever technical effects, and the spectacular stunts - like seeing Johnny Weissmuller wrestle a fucking lion.

 

Grade: B+

 

#217. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003)

 

 

Prior Viewings: 3-4

 

Whenever I find myself thinking that the whole Avengers phenomenon might've been a bit overblown, I have to stop and remind myself that, when I was a kid, crossovers were only ever found in sitcoms, children's cartoons, and this haphazard curiosity.

 

That probably explains why I circled back to it more than once. I mean, it's not as though I was all that enamoured by the story or the action. Hell, even a handful of the characters went directly over my head at the time (I didn't know who Allan Quartermain or Dr. Moriarty were until years later). But I guess I simply liked the idea of seeing some literary figures team up to fight bad guys, because my memories of the movie were generally positive.

 

Now that I'm a bit older, its flaws are a lot more apparent to me (the plot never goes anywhere interesting, the character motivations are non-existent, the middle hour is a slog, and the special effects are genuinely terrible), but I still can't bring myself to hate the movie, either. Nostalgia aside, I love a good steampunk aesthetic, I doubt any movie with Sean Connery at its center could ever truly bore me, and there's something small and silly about the whole thing that I find almost refreshing in today's landscape.

 

Grade: B-

#216. Pokémon Detective Pikachu (2019)

 

 

Yeah, I was a Pokémon kid. I collected the cards, watched the show, and played the video games. For a good three or four years there, it was pretty much the center of my entertainment universe. So the prospect of a big-budget live-action Pokémon movie absolutely appeals to the inner child - and, who am I kidding, adult - in me.

 

And, honestly, I thought this one was pretty good. The plot's extremely predictable (especially if you're at all familiar with Ditto), most of the characters are cutouts, and the jokes don't have a great hit rate, but there's a sense of livable, vicarious plausibility to the whole thing that basically renders those elements moot for me. Frankly, when I'm watching these real people interact with Bulbasaurs and Mr. Mimes, I can't pretend to care about depth or nuance or whatever.

 

If you do, though, the movie wisely takes the Roger Rabbit route of attempting to balance the silly cartoon stuff with a grounded, noirish story involving the protagonist's family. Again, it's not as successful as Roger Rabbit, mostly because said story's nowhere near as interesting, but it nevertheless provides a decent amount of heart, a cool neon aesthetic, and some fantastic worldbuilding, all of which I appreciated.

 

What I didn't appreciate, though was the fact that Poliwhirl doesn't make a single appearance. What the hell, guys?

 

Grade: B+

 

P.S. A lot of these Pokémon were much furrier than I was expecting. Like, in my mind, Jigglypuff's always had the texture of one of those squeaky bouncy balls that you'd find in a Toys "R" Us bin.

 

P.P.S. Loved the Angels with Filthy Souls reference, especially because it fits right in with the whole '90s nostalgia thing.

 

#211. Project A (1983)

 

 

Okay, I can see that these Hong Kong martial arts movies are going to take some getting used to.

 

Like, obviously I knew better than to expect seamless dubbing, but I wasn't quite as prepared for the borderline-amateur technical aspects (for instance, there are almost zero establishing shots here, so each scene just kind of awkwardly crashes into the next one), bizarre tonal shifts, and weirdly dense plotting. I don't even know if these defects are specific to Project A or if they're simply par for the course with this subgenre, but, either way, it made it really hard for me to get wrapped up in the story, to the point where I was starting to zone out in between all the action.

 

But I guess the action is why we're here, and it doesn't disappoint. Every single fight scene is a striking display of creativity, athleticism, timing, and certifiable recklessness not seen since the days of Buster Keaton, and they consistently took my breath away. In particular, the back-to-back bicycle and clock tower sequences are just spectacular, even if they result in the movie peaking far too early.

 

Now, is the action good (and plentiful) enough to make everything else worth sitting through? It's a pretty close call in my opinion, but I'll go with a tepid "yes". Even when the movie's at its least accessible, you can always tell that Jackie Chan is trying his absolute hardest to entertain, and I admire that level of effort.

 

Grade: B-

 

#203. Sinners (2025)

 

Hey, I actually managed to crank out all ten nominees in time. Kinda came down to the wire there, but still.

 

Anyway, I intentionally saved Sinners for last because it appears to be right up there with One Battle After Another as one of the front-runners for taking home the prize. I personally preferred the latter by a fairly decent margin, but I can certainly still see the broad appeal here. This thing's dripping with sex, style, tension, and atmosphere, and it does a great job of laying a compelling and character-heavy foundation before pulling the rug out from under you.

 

That's not to say that I think the movie's flawless, though. I wasn't blown away by the action and horror elements, the structuring gets extremely messy at times (particularly in the last twenty minutes, which are rushed and disorganized in a way that I didn't care for), and the metaphors are so on-the-nose that they're practically similes. But I'm sure these complaints are largely a product of the hype; after all, they're relatively minor compared to the powerful imagery, charismatic characters, electrifying music, and amusing combination of genres.

 

Plus, that one-take scene where we see all the different musical eras of multiple cultures through one song is the kind of ambitious creativity that can turn a pretty good movie into an instant classic.

 

Grade: A-

 

P.S. And now, my ranking of the nominees:

 

10. Hamnet

9. Train Dreams

8. F1

7. Frankenstein

6. Sinners

5. The Secret Agent

4. Bugonia

3. Sentimental Value

2. Marty Supreme

1. One Battle After Another

 

Honestly, though, this is a really strong group from top to bottom. I don't think there's a single entrant that's not at least somewhat worthy of recognition.

#187. F1 (2025)

 

 

The surprise Best Picture nominee of the year, F1 probably isn't going to blow too many people away on a story level. It's basically your typical "Older guy plays by his own rules and shows the youngsters how it's done" narrative, with cookie cutter arcs and spelled-out dialogue. But the execution's ultimately strong enough that none of this really impaired my enjoyment all that much.

 

For example, the races are immaculate. They're exciting and suspenseful, and you always know what's going on (possibly to a fault; the announcer exposition felt a little condescending at times). And everything around them is mostly well-plotted and solidly structured, even if a few of the detours don't go anywhere or add a whole lot. Plus, with names like Pitt, Condon, and Bardem in the cast, adjectives like "cool" and "charismatic" are pretty much a given. 

 

So, yes, the movie's formulaic, to the point where Joseph Kosinski essentially just remade Top Gun: Maverick with cars instead of planes. But I'm certainly not immune to a superficial crowd-pleaser, and this one kept me invested and enthralled enough that I can't pretend to have any issue with the nomination.

 

Grade: A-

 

#182. Deep Blue Sea (1999)

 

 

I have a soft spot for late '90s studio schlock, as well as simplistic horror movies where a small group of characters fight to survive in an isolated setting. This one manages to hit both of those weak points, and has a good time doing it, so I can only dock so many points for stupid writing and terrible effects.

 

Actually, if anything, those two qualities only serve to enhance the charm. This isn't a Sharknado situation, where the entire project reeks of laziness and cynicism. No, Deep Blue Sea cares, and plays everything completely straight (with just the right amount of self-awareness), which makes the cornier elements a million times more likeable and fun as a result.

 

Plus, while this earnestness often takes us in some strange directions (the whole religious subplot, for instance, goes over really weird), it also allows for some effective genre scares, creative violence, cheesy dialogue, committed performances, surprisingly decent action set pieces, and LL Cool J's absolute masterpiece of a theme song. The whole thing's a junk heap, but it's a determined and entertaining junk heap.

 

And regardless of where you stand on the movie's quality, I think we can agree that Sam Jackson's big speech is a legitimate top hundred horror moment.

 

Grade: B+

 

#174. Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

 

 

Prior Viewings: 4-5

 

Here it is, the most widely reviled film of my lifetime. We all know the story: expectations were unreasonably high, and all those years of build-up and excitement eventually led to disappointment, which turned to anger, which turned to hate, which turned to endless screeds about how George Lucas "raped" our collective childhoods (yes, people actually said that).

 

It was all a bit much, honestly, to the point where the heavy backlash inevitably received a backlash of its own. Nowadays, you're much more likely to hear about how this trilogy's actually underrated, and that the initial reception was far too negative. I'd like to agree with that stance. I really would. But it frankly doesn't survive actually sitting down and re-watching the damn thing.

 

Yeah, sorry, but, all these years later, long after I've come to accept this prequel for what it is, it still doesn't do all that much for me. I don't hate it by any means (in fact, the kiddie tone [along with Darth Maul and "Duel of the Fates"] might even give it a tiny leg up on the two entries to come), but the defects are just too overwhelming to ignore. They almost go without saying at this point: convoluted plotting, clunky pacing, wooden acting, awful dialogue, bland CG environments, a general lack of passion, etc. Despite the wealth of potential here (which might partially explain all the fruitless fan edits), most of it's squandered by tedious storytelling and lazy creative decisions.

 

Now, in fairness, Lucas always insisted, rather defensively, that these movies were made for children. Maybe so. But I was six years old in 1999, and, as a member of that target audience, I can assure you that I still would've chosen any of the Original Trilogy episodes over this one every single day of the week.

 

Grade: C+

#161. Osmosis Jones (2001)

 

 

Doesn't surprise me to learn that this one bombed. I mean, I was a dumb eight-year-old in 2001, and even I wasn't especially interested in seeing it. And yet, there must've been something about the title and character design that made an impression on me, because here I was, a quarter century later, still kind of curious about what I was missing.

 

And... I actually quite enjoyed it. My younger self would've been pleasantly surprised. There's a Y2K feel to the animation, the upbeat R&B soundtrack (god, I miss this kind of music in movies), and the general sense of humour that hit my nostalgia bone, and I was really into the premise and worldbuilding. Just the concept of making characters out of human cells and organisms is genuinely clever (it's very Inside Out meets Magic School Bus), to such a degree that I'd have to imagine that the jokes and conflicts basically wrote themselves.

 

There's also some live-action stuff going on here, and while it's definitely on the lazy and lethargic side (especially given the over-reliance on gross-out humour, and the fact that Bill Murray's turning in another one of his "I'm way too good for this" performances), I still found it funny and energetic in a way that gels with the animation. But you might want to take that opinion with a few grains of salt - I'm a sucker for any movie that combines these two mediums.

Grade: B+

#156. They Live (1988)

 

 

Prior Viewings: 1

 

When I marathoned John Carpenter's filmography a few years back, They Live was actually one of my least favourites (maybe not bottom three, but close). And I think a lot of that had to do with the fact that I couldn't conflate the satire being so outlandish and on-the-nose compared to the dreary presentation. I was expecting something quick and silly in the vein of Big Trouble in Little China, and what I got instead was honestly much closer to Dark Star.

 

Now that I knew what tone to expect, though, the dryness and overall story started making a lot more sense to me. Granted, I still think the first third's a little bland and the final third's really sloppy, and the Meg Foster stuff continues to flatline for me, but I was much more compelled by the rhythmic pacing, the downright hypnotic scoring, and the arrow-straight commentary this time. This movie might not have Carpenter's usual energy, but it sure has his pulse and bitter sense of humour.

 

It also has two of the best scenes of his career, and you likely already know what I'm talking about. The first is where Roddy Piper initially puts on the sunglasses, which is just a great bit of worldbuilding. And the second is the unending alley brawl, which feels like it takes up a third of the runtime, and which is the exact brand of kinda sincere/kinda tongue-in-cheek excess that fits this movie like a glove.

 

Grade: B+

 

#143. Yojimbo (1961)

 

 

A.K.A. The Bodyguard

 

Prior Viewings: 1

 

Of the handful of Akira Kurosawa movies I've seen, this one's probably my least favourite, but that doesn't mean that I don't still think it's pretty great. 

 

Like, you did hear me say the words "Akira Kurosawa", right? Of course the movie's pretty great. Not really sure what else there is to say. I guess I'll add that, especially relative to the other acclaimed filmmakers from around this time, the guy's work tends to hold up from an entertainment perspective. I personally don't think Yojimbo is quite as consistently engaging as his best material (the second quarter kinda drags for me), but it's still tense and exciting in all the ways you'd want from a renowned action-thriller, while also being goofy enough to make for a passable comedy.

 

This is also just a great premise. When you see these two competing crime lords fight for the town's supremacy, you're not only inherently compelled by the conflict, but you immediately find yourself on the side of this loner who wants to wipe both of them out. And it sure doesn't hurt that the loner is played by Toshiro Mifune, who has more aura than pretty much any actor in the history of film.

 

So, yeah, just to restate the obvious: great performances, great compositions, great cinematography, and great uses of movement. It's really not hard to see why everyone's still borrowing from these guys over sixty years later.

 

Grade: A-

 

#136. Civil War (2024)

 

 

Any movie with "sensory overload" as its default setting is one that will probably appeal to me, and Civil War is no different. This whole experience is anxiety-inducing, from the vivid imagery to the intense sound design to the general sense of panic and uncertainty throughout. And I like that this feeling only intensifies as we travel deeper and deeper into this nightmarish hellscape.

 

As for the political stuff, I can see why it divided audiences, but I was mostly okay with it. Like, sure, there's not a ton of depth or even commentary here (with results that feel slightly hollow in hindsight), but I appreciate the fact that the movie doesn't make many definitive statements. It's less preachy that way, and I think it fits with the ethics (or lack thereof) of these photojournalist characters.

 

There were a few aspects that didn't really work for me (the murky visual style isn't to my taste, a few of the plot developments struck me as dumb and contrived, and I think the story loses something once we reach D.C.), but, on the whole, I found this to be a riveting, eerie, and mournful little dystopian thriller.

 

Grade: B+

#135. Confidence (2003)

 

 

We've stumbled onto another one of my guilty pleasure subgenres: flashy heist movies that think they're a lot more clever than they really are.

 

Confidence is, in almost every regard, unoriginal. The plot, convoluted as it is, is generally pretty predictable, the characters are all total cutouts with zero personality beyond maybe a single quirk, and you can sense the influences (ranging from Mamet to Soderbergh to Guy Ritchie) at all times. Also, this one's a bit of a nitpick, but I have no idea why so many crime movies from around this time felt the need to give everything away via far-too-revealing foreshadowing openers. Awful trend.

 

Like I said, though, I'm an incredibly easy mark with this stuff. So, sure, the movie's derivative and surface-level, but it's also a stylish, slickly-made little caper, and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't have fun with it. James Foley's colourful and assured direction really appealed to me (though the editing could've used a tad more restraint; the whole thing feels like it was put together by Hoffman's character), as did the impressive and charismatic lineup of character actors, as did the playful tone, as did the neatly-packaged storytelling. Mediocre Ocean's Eleven is still a good time in my eyes.

 

Plus, it ends with "Clocks" by Coldplay. How can I dislike any movie from 2003 that ends with "Clocks" by Coldplay?

 

Grade: B+

 

#132. Dragged Across Concrete (2018)

 

 

If I'm engaged by what's going on, I can absolutely enjoy a slow burn. Dragged Across Concrete is over two-and-a-half hours long, has a languid pace, and spends large swaths of the runtime on scenes that most movies wouldn't even think to include (the Jennifer Carpenter segment is the most obvious example). And yet I savoured basically every minute of it.

 

Granted, this is a crime thriller starring Mel Gibson and Vince Vaughn, so I was more or less on the movie's side before the word go, but there's still something about the way it paces and unravels itself that really worked for me. The characters are so well-drawn, the action is so swift and unflinching, and the storytelling is so tense and colourful (black's a colour, right?) that the whole thing feels airtight, even when it drags.

 

Plus, for a movie this bleak, dark, and unapologetic in its worldview, it's got a surprisingly solid hangout vibe. The stakeout sequences, in particular, are among the best I've ever seen. Between the patience of the writing, the quality of the acting, and the stakes of the situation, you really begin to experience the boredom, frustration, and uncertainty of their dilemma, and you find yourself hoping that the long wait is worth it.

 

As far as payoffs are concerned, I'd say it is.

 

Grade: A-

 

P.S. Those masked robbers are the stuff of nightmares, but I couldn't get past the fact that one of them sounds exactly like Aaron Eckhart. Seriously, watch the movie and tell me you don't hear it.