#72. 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag (1997)

 

Yeah, I'm aware that this one has always had an absolutely abysmal reputation, but it's got too many of my cinematic vices (a crime story, some dark comedy, and Joe Pesci, to name three) for me not to have been a little curious. And it's probably thanks to those vices that I didn't hate the movie as much as most people seem to.

 

Granted, that's not to say that I liked it. The movie never quite manages to live up to its amusingly gruesome premise, the plot's too convoluted, a lot of the comedy doesn't land (especially the more exaggerated moments, which fly in the face of the darker subject matter), and Andy Comeau is just terrible as the co-lead. No offense to the guy, but pretty much anybody else would've been better suited for that role.

 

Again, though, the crime-comedy elements were generally my speed, especially when the movie wasn't afraid to get a little weird and macabre (the two best examples being the "Mr. Sandman" dream sequence and the instance where an obnoxious character suddenly gets thrown from a vehicle off a cliff). I'm verging on calling this one underrated, but that's not necessarily a hill I'd be willing to die on.

 

Grade: B-

 

#71. Trap (2024)

 

 

Ever since the mid-2000s, when his credibility somersaulted off a cliff, M. Night Shyamalan has settled into something of a B-movie career. Credit to him for knowing his lane, and for remaining an auteur in the meantime, but I feel like this course-correction has resulted in some people giving him way too much slack in the effort department.

 

Trap has the usual Shyamalan trappings (no pun intended) of alien performances and dialogue that makes you question whether the man has ever had a normal conversation in his entire life, but we like those qualities. They're what make him Shyamalan. What I don't like is how lazy his writing has gotten. This script feels like a first draft, switching from one protagonist to the next seemingly at random, and ultimately playing out as though he had no idea where any of it actually leads. Plus, all the police stuff is downright idiotic.

 

Unlike the worst that this director has to offer, though, the movie's not gratingly smug or self-serious. The first half is actually pretty funny, and funny in a way that feels a lot more intentional than, say, The Happening. I think a lot of that has to do with Hartnett's performance. The more this guy tries to be on-the-level, the more he comes off like a serial killer. 

 

Grade: B-

 

#70. Born on the Fourth of July (1989)

 

 

Prior Viewings: 1 

 

Oliver Stone's greatest strength is also arguably his greatest weakness, and that's that his movies are so passionate that they tend to come off as preachy and overblown. But while this is undeniably true of Born on the Fourth of July, it's also so committed and vulnerable and openly satirical that it actually feels somewhat refreshing in today's landscape.

 

Unlike a lot of biopics, especially in recent years, this movie opts to depict its subject with unapologetic frankness. You can tell that Stone cares about Ron Kovic, but he also doesn't shy away from the initial naivete, nor the eventual depravity. This is a stark and comprehensive portrait of a man who, like many, was seduced and then abandoned by an American myth, and Tom Cruise goes all out (even by Tom Cruise standards) in attempting to capture him.

 

Also unlike a lot of biopics, Stone keeps this one fresh and interesting through some subversive tonal storytelling. The opening act is pure Norman Rockwell Americana, with a presentation so idealistic and over-the-top that the sudden, almost Lynchian change in mood feels all the more horrific.

 

Grade: A

 

#69. The French Dispatch (2021)

 

A.K.A. The French Dispatch of the Liberty, Kansas Evening Sun 

 

You always know a Wes Anderson movie when you see one. And while you could certainly argue that his quirky and artificial visual palette has grown slightly stale over the years, and that he never really branches out or challenges himself, I at least appreciate that the man has a unique voice and a trademark style. It's what allows me to get sucked into his worlds, even when I'm not particularly interested in what they have to say. 

 

Such is the case with The French Dispatch (I'm not typing out that entire title again). After Isle of Dogs, it's perhaps the least invested I've ever been in any of his narratives, and the writing here is so verbose relative to what's actually being said that Anderson's verging even closer to self-important territory, yet I still found myself being taken by the framing, the casting, the amusing subtitles, and the sparing use of colour. Once again, that goddamn aesthetic won me over.

 

The anthology structuring is also pretty cute. It makes for a slightly uneven result (the first story tickled me, the second one very much didn't, and the third fell somewhere in between), and doesn't leave much room for emotional involvement, but I think it fits Anderson's dollhouse vibe remarkably well.

 

Grade: B+

 

#68. Electric Dreams (1984)

 

 

As a story, Electric Dreams isn't particularly interesting. I mean, there's a certain innocence to the movie that's kinda sweet, and I guess the A.I. stuff has held up pretty well, but I didn't really care about the two protagonists, nor their relationship, nor the fact that this self-aware computer was constantly trying to thwart them. It's all oddly lackluster given the subject matter, which isn't helped by the soft direction, weak comedy, and obvious ADR work.

 

But, man, those brief musical interludes come oh so close to making the whole thing worth it to me. There's a healthy portion of them, usually set to the two leads going on dates or whatever, and they really capture that charming, MTV-style '80s aesthetic that we all love so much. These scenes aren't anywhere near as deep as all the attempts at technological commentary, but they're the only moments where the movie actually springs to life.

 

Frankly, if the whole thing came at all close to capturing the pure bliss of that ending montage, where everyone dances to "Together in Electric Dreams" by Phil Oakey and Georgio Moroder (fantastic song, by the way), we almost certainly would've had a winner here.

 

Grade: B-

 

P.S. Lenny Von Dohlen will always be Jernigan from Home Alone 3 to me, so seeing a remote control car in the opening scene made me laugh.

 

#67. The Long, Hot Summer (1958)

 

 

I struggle with these Dixieland adaptations. No matter how good the acting actually is, all the fake accents always seem so phony and exaggerated to me, and I find that they hurt the movie's overall legitimacy as a result.

 

That's certainly the case with The Long, Hot Summer (or, as I'll be referring to it from now on, the second best novel-inspired Southern melodrama from 1958 that stars Paul Newman and features the word Hot in its title), but I think my primary issue is that the plot doesn't really interest me. These characters and their interpersonal conflicts do have some potential, but everything's too bogged down by wearisome direction and sluggish narrative progression for any of it to keep me invested.

 

Still, I guess the movie's fairly well-shot, particularly in regards to the location work, and the heat is certainly palpable, through both the visual textures (this thing is sweaty) and the obvious chemistry between Newman and Woodward. It's not a total bore, but the bland story, forced theatrics, and unconvincing conclusion keep it from fully catching fire for me.

 

Grade: B-

 

P.S. Orson Welles is somehow both the best and worst part of this movie. His performance is frankly embarrassing, and not at all believable, but the energy immediately ratchets up a notch whenever he's on screen.

 

#66. Charlie Chan at the Circus (1936)

 

 

Despite my being a mystery lover, I'd never seen a Charlie Chan movie before now. And, considering how many of them seem to exist, I thought it was time I rectified that oversight. 

 

I started with this entry because I generally like circus settings (and definitely not because it was the first one I could find [though my circus comment stands]), and it certainly lives up to the title. This movie's got contortionists, acrobats, cobras, two tiny dancers (both of whom are incredibly endearing), and an angry, murderous gorilla. It's a lot of fun, thanks especially to some lighthearted golden age comedy and a likeable performance from Keye Luke as Chan's "number one son".

 

Honestly, it's just a shame that the mystery isn't stronger. Seeing as this movie's only 72 minutes, and the bulk of that time is spent with the detectives, we don't get much of an opportunity to meet any of the suspects. It makes their motives feel underbaked and secondary, which results in a murder mystery that's somehow at its least interesting when it's trying to uncover the killer.

 

Grade: B+