#29. Eyes of Laura Mars (1978)

 

 

Okay, I know I'm predisposed to fall head over heels in love with anything that even remotely resembles giallo, but I really do think Eyes of Laura Mars is much, much better than its middling-at-best reputation. Nearly every aspect worked for me, including the slightly fantastical premise (which would feel out of place in most '70s thrillers, but it fits right in with this tone and subject matter), the creative casting, the eerie-yet-stylish settings, and that awesome Barbra Streisand song.

 

Even the elements most people criticize - the campiness, the slightly out-of-nowhere ending, the generally grimy vibe - was stuff that I enjoyed (honestly, my only complaint is that I wish Raul "R.J." Julia had a bigger role, but that's true of most of the movies he appeared in). The mystery captivated me from beginning to end, as did the storytelling, as did the performances. This may be sleaze, but it's opulent sleaze, which is my favourite kind.

 

And, hey, Irvin Kershner got the job for The Empire Strikes Back because of this movie. So, if nothing else, I can at least sleep at night knowing George Lucas is on my side.

 

Grade: A+

 

P.S. Did Tommy Lee Jones ever look young?

 

#28. Charlie's Angels (2000)

 

 

The concept of adapting older TV shows into contemporary comedies wasn't exactly novel in the year 2000, but every stage of that trend was cute to me. It's always gonna be tempting to make light of the pop culture from our past. And besides, something like Charlie's Angels is very easy to make light of, so the decision tracks here.

 

That's not to say that this movie's especially good, though. A lot of the humour falls completely flat, and most scenes just kinda slam awkwardly into one another with zero rhythm or consistency. It's all a little too hectic for my liking, with the result being one of those action-comedies where so much random shit is going on that I struggle to pay full attention after a while.

 

Still, I feel strangely inclined to be slightly defensive here. It's probably some combination of the three likeable leads (especially Diaz, who knows exactly what kind of movie she's in), the more tongue-in-cheek aspects of the comedy, and the general Y2K-ness of it all. Energy this glossy is hard to wholeheartedly dislike. 

 

Grade: B-

 

#27. Monkey Man (2024)

 

 

On the whole, Monkey Man is my kind of action movie. It's a bit more depressing than I typically prefer, but it also has a gripping revenge narrative, a simultaneously grimy and extravagant style, a booming soundtrack, and even some cultural flavour, complete with sociopolitical commentary. The mood is chaotic and the violence is ferocious, and Dev Patel presents it all with such energy and emotion and originality (while his influences are pretty obvious, I'd say that he brings them together in a relatively organic way) that his passion is never in question.

 

Yeah, the second half isn't quite as electric as the first, and yeah, you can sometimes tell that this is the guy's directorial debut (certain elements feel a little over-explained, and he doesn't always have the strongest handle on tone, particularly when it comes to balancing the traumatic backstory with the over-the-top fight scenes), but I guess that stuff doesn't really matter. At least, not when the action's this flawless. And certainly not when the spirit, the flash, and the sense of adrenaline are all this palpable.

 

Grade: A-

 

#26. The Train (1964)

 

 

When it comes to action movies, or maybe just movies in general, I tend to have a better time when trains are involved. The more trains, the merrier - that's what I say. So a movie literally called The Train had a lot to live up to.

 

Fortunately, it's directed by John Frankenheimer, so we're in good hands. He knows how to establish a big scale while keeping everything taut and tight, making for a thriller with both high stakes and personal characterizations. It's kinda modern in that sense, though that could also be because it basically plays out like a heist movie, or because it leans so heavily on explosive spectacle.

 

Both of these elements should probably intrude on the grim premise, but they really don't, and I'm guessing that's due to the fact that everything feels so authentic. We're dealing with real locations, real trains, real stunts (which might explain why Lancaster's here, even though his character is supposed to be French), and real explosions. On top of creating a viscerally sweaty and industrial texture, this really puts into perspective the risks these guys are taking, and it forces you to ask whether any of it is actually worth the effort in the first place. But I guess that's war for you. 

 

Grade: A

 

#25. The Plague of the Zombies (1966)

 

 

Prior Viewings: 1

 

Like a lot of Hammer movies, The Plague of the Zombies has gorgeous aesthetics (lush colours, beautiful sets, foggy atmospheres, bright red blood) that are slightly bogged down by a dry and talky story.

 

Actually, the setup for this one isn't too bad. I like the mysterious, almost Twilight Zone-esque premise, which makes for some immediate intrigue. And even though you can feel the absences of Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee in something like this, André Morell more than makes up for that by bringing a similar sense of charisma and weight to the proceedings.

 

But once this intrigue is out of the way, the movie starts to lose a lot of steam by leaning on long dialogue scenes and drawn-out set pieces. And there just generally aren't many scares here (maybe three total, with one of them being a fake-out dream sequence). The strengths are still good enough for me to call this a worthy entry in the Hammer canon, but I'd have to imagine that it already seemed like an ancient relic by the time Night of the Living Dead came out two years later.

 

Grade: B

 

#24. To Live and Die in L.A. (1985)

 

 

One of the most coke-induced movies to come out of the '80s (which is really saying something), the obvious appeal of To Live and Die in L.A. is that it's an unapologetically over-the-top thrill ride. The plot's a little convoluted for my liking, and there are a few irksome cliches thrown in, but, otherwise, this is nothing but action, sex, violence, betrayals, car chases, and Wang Chung. Everybody's having fun tonight!

 

If there's one aspect that seals the deal for me, though, it's the style. This thing's packed with neon lighting, synth-heavy music, and dingy atmospheres (kinda like if Wim Wenders tried to make a Michael Mann movie), and it's pretty much everything I could've hoped to find in a thriller from this era. I guess you could make the argument that these flashier elements are somewhat at odds with the gritty cop story, but it works for me because Friedkin simply refuses to tone anything down. Now, the "Popeye" Doyle-style protagonist is even more unhinged, and the action's a whole lot bloodier, so the excesses are popping at equal levels.

 

As you've no doubt already learned about me, that's the kind of decadence and consistency that I find hard to resist.

 

Grade: A

 

#23. Underworld (2003)

 

 

I was always mildly curious about this franchise, mainly because I like Kate Beckinsale and because I just generally have a fondness for trashy, over-earnest nu-metal sludge from the early 2000s. But I have to report that the viewing experience was about as tedious as I was worried it would be.

 

Many critics have described Underworld as "shallow" and "derivative", which is true enough, but I think my problem is that the story, no matter how seriously it takes itself, just isn't interesting. There must be five or six different subplots going on here, and yet the lack of interesting character dynamics or established stakes made it difficult for me to remain invested in any of them.

 

Yes, the aesthetic is kinda neat, with its leather outfits, Gothic locations, rainy atmospheres, and fashionable blue filtering (it all feels very Evanescence), and, yes, I enjoy watching Michael Sheen and Billy Nighy ham it up, but I need something else after a while. A compelling romance, a more creative action scene, an occasional change of pace. Anything.

 

As is, I found the whole experience to be elusive and slightly dull.

 

Grade: C+